Wicked Gay Pop Whatever #1: Fall of the House of Usher

Hi. This isn't a true crime story. Did you see Fall of the House of Usher? No? Good, now you don't need to. Here's where I recap and review the whole eight-episode Netflix series in under an hour. Fun! Trying something a little different with the brand.

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Transcript

Fun! That was snippets of the trailer for tonight’s topic. It basically tells you the whole story. Wait. why am I doing a episode about a streaming show. Well, because sometimes i like to take a break from real murder… using fake murder, that’s why. Does anyone else love Carla Cugino as much as I do?

You’re listening to Wicked Gay, which is normally a true crime podcast about gay people doing awful things, but not tonight. 

Hello! I’m your host J. Harvey and you must be saying to yourself, wow, is he early with the episode ? It’s true, I am early. But this isn’t your typical Wicked Gay episode. I’ve mentioned before wanting to branch out and do different things and expand the Wicked Gay brand. Well, tonight is one of those. 

So, besides true crime, I’m also heavily into media and pop culture - especially television and movies. And in a previous life, I worked as a television recapper for a whole bunch of barely known long gone websites and would you believe Entertainment Weekly one time. Back when it was stll paper! 

So, my recaps were pretty well-received. Mostly because they were hyper-snarky, and I was very honest and didn’t try to present myself as one who is deeply into themes ansd symbolis and mostly wants to clown on things.. So I thought I’d do one of those as a Wicked Gay episode. Dn’t worry your regualrly schedule murder yapping will be back at the end of the month.

So this is an experiment. I was going to call them Wicked Gay Pop Drops. But it turns out that’s a variety of Tootsie Roll. Which is like the worst candy, Tootsie Rolls, so not only are you the worst candy but you’re ruining my career and dreams. Dick. 

And I can finally make ALL the jokes I want about everything because no one’s really dead so I don’t have to be respectful. It’s kind of freeing not writing true crime. 

So, this is Wicked Gay Pop Whatever #1: Fall of the House of Usher

Have you seen Fall of the House of Usher? No? Good. Yeah, cause I’m going to review and recap the entire 8-episode series in under an hour and hopefully amuse you and make it so you don’t have to watch. But you should consider watching it because I ended up really liking it, as I seem to do with all of writer/director Mike Flanagan’s projects. So yes, this entire episode is one big spoiler.

And yeah - I like glossy surfaces and images and fight scenes and tsunamis and gay stuff  so none of this is going to sound like high falutin. I am not sitting in an armchair in front of a roaring fire here to educare you. But I wish I was because fire is beaiutufl. So once in awhile im probably going to say something clueless, stupid or ignorant. Fair warning. I

Firstly, a little bit on Usher creator Mike Flanagan. He’s nown for these kind of horror/drama Netflix series he very loosely bases on classic horror novels and modernizes it with his own characters and storyline and themes and monologues. Lots of monologues. He frequently works with the same group of actors, like Elliot from ET, and even his wife, Kate Siegel.  House of Usher is his third series based on classic literature. And you’re not going to see anymore of these on Netflix because Amazon gave him wads of money to make monlogue-heavy tv shows for them. The other series that Flanagan did for NEtlfix was called Midnight Mass which wasnt based on a classic horror novel and its my favorite of his works. It was about faith and fanaicism and redemption and forgiveness and there was a really creepy looking…I’m not going to spoil it. Watch it. It’s good. If you’re cool with monologues. 

Oh, and if you’ve never seen a Mike Flanagan show, besides monologues, Mike is known for the jump scare. Mike is the master of the jump scare. Now - in the mind of this fan of the genre, there was but two jump scares in film and television that stand head and shoulders above the rest. The first is in a movie ith the corny title of Exorcist III. But it’s actually a really good movie, jI just try not to think about how I found out it was Jeffrey Dahmer’s favorite and what does that say about me?  Exorcist 3 contains what s probaby the best jump scare in history. It’s a jump scare that had me laughing out of shock for about 20 min after when I saw it in the theater. The best in the biz. 

The other is in Flanagan’s Haunting of Hill House. If youve never seen it, you were in a for a treat, and i’m not going to tell you which ep, so you have to watch the whole thing, and you’ll know it when you experience but jesus, it’s a good one.

Tonight’s selection , The Fall of the House of Usher is based on the works of hallowed author of mystery and macabre - Edgar Allen Poe. The elevator pitch is that a supernatural creature is making good on a debt owed and causing the Sackler family, you know, the terribly evil fucks responsible for the opioid crisis, causing them to die in a gruesome manner. So basically a wish fulfullment project.  

There’s actually two plots in this thing. There’s a couple of weeks in the present day as we watch all the Ushers get what’s coming to them. And there’s the origin story of the Usher family that takes place in the late 70s. And the framing device for the  entire story is that it’s actually being told by the main dude Roderick Usher to a US DIstrict attorney he’s invited to have a drink with him. They’re in Roderick’s dilapidated childhood home and it’s a dark and stormy nught and he’s asked August Dupin there to clear his conscience and confess every awful thing he and his family have ever done. Cuz’ as we find out, he’s dying. Which appears to have flicked the first domino in a line of death. Sounds like a night out to me!

As anyone who reads or went to school can maybe catch, just about everyone in this story bears the name of a Poe character, and some of the deaths are modeled after stuff from his stories. But it’s very loose, so don’t get pissy over it. And don’t expect me to note every single on because you have work tomorrow.

The Sackler stand-ins are the Usher family is drawn really broadly. Basiaslly they’re all evil sociopaths and we’re invited to cheer their deaths. People REALLY don’t like the Sackler family. Flanagan’ss characters always have depth and these guys do, too., but this one’s a little more cartoony than the other ones. You can tell by some of the clothes and the RIDICULOUS bumpit that Mary McDonnell aka Madeline Usher is sporting to make her look cold and evil? Seriously she’s got an evil weave and the higher the hair the closer to laughter cuz’ the shit’s unintentionally funny.

Roderick Usher is played by Bruce Greenwood who is frankly rather marvelous in this considering he was a last minute replacement for Mr. Frank Langella who got Me-Tooed. Roderick and his evil bitch computer genius twin sister the aforementioned Madeline, are named for characters in Poe’s short story The Fall of the House of Usher - uh,  crazy guy invites old friend to hang out with him and his twin sister, who’s dying. It’s implied crazy guy is fucking the sister, anyway she apparently dies but she didnt’ and he neglecred to check for a pulse or use a mirror to register breath because he buries her alive and she crawls her way out of the grave ad kills him and their big house falls into the ocean. You go through this thinking the twin thing and the name is the only thing the Ushers have in common with the Poe story but then there’s the end. We’ll get to it. 

So the Ushers are true billionaires,they run a pharma company called Fortunato which has gottem thousands maybe millions of people hooked on an opioid called Ligodone. They’re rutjhless vipers who care not a whit for all the people they’e basically killed and lives they've destroyed. Roderick has a bunch of kids, two with his first wife, and then four more by whatever he could stick it in. He’s no deadbeat dad though, it’s like his one good quality, and all his bastards and bitches are part of the family, and all of the rights and privileges that come with being billionaire pharma vampires.  And they’re all nightmare people. Rich people aren’t painted pretty in this one (which is kinda funny considering this is a Netflix series which i'm sure has made Mr. Flanagan a boatload, but hey he’s talented and at least he’s not deluding himself about our wealth disparity problem and no one will hate him as much as the Sacklers). We find out that, in the current day, all of Roderick’s children are dead, the show starts with him at the funeral of the last three to go. This has all happened in the span of two weeks. 

There’s other characters you should know abot before we get to the evil people dying and monologues. One of them is Carl Lumbly, remember he was in Alias with Jennifer Garner but wore way less wigs than hers in that, here he plays assistant US Attorney August Dupin, wich was the name of Poe’s fictional detective. Dupuon is gay and Roderick’s arch-enemy due to something in their past that we’ll get to eventually. The majority of the jump scares in Usher takes place during the convos between Rodrick and August. His dead kids keep flying in and interrupting everyone. Roderick’s terminal illness means he may be hallucinating things or they may be actual ghosts.

Oh and besides the fam, there’s August the gay us attorney Roderick is telling his tale to, Juno, Roderick’s second wife who is a former sex worker hooked on Ligodone. Lenore is the granddaughter and then you have Luke Skywalker. Yes, this show features both Elliot from ET and Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill. Mark plays Usher family lawyer Arthur Pym. he’s the amoral grizzled little legal genius, with kind of a New Yawk rough guy accent that’s sorta off-putting

There’s also a granddaughter Lenore. She’s nice. Everyone likes her. 

And probably the most important character, and my favorite - is Verna an angram for Raven. You know about Poe and ravens, right?  She’s playbed by Flanagan troupe lead Carla Gugion and she’s fantastic. You wish she was in every scene. At first, you think Verna might be the devil but she’s more of just a mystical being who has basically offered deals to the rich and evil throughout history and been part of their downfall. She offers Roderick and Madeline a deal int he very beginnig of this tragedy way back in the 70s. And, now, cuz I think Roderick dying activated it, she appears to all the kids in different guises, and accents, hairstyles, she’s there to facilitate their various grisly ends, but she’s not without kindness,  sometimes offering them an escape to a more peaceful serene death, but they’re dumb sociopaths and they al turn her down.

Let’s break down the kids  and get to the good stuff- by age, youngest to oldest, and as well as by order of death..part of the fun of this series is guessing in exactly what grotesque way these people are going to eat it. 

And first we have the youngest and one of the more Ryan Murphy-esque characters Prospero, known as Perry. He’s like this queer flashy preteen-looking hedonist who is kind of oversexed. Seriously the actor playing this guy looks lke he’s 12 so its kind of disturbing that he’s playing this like insane Lothario type. He's all about orgies and drugs and he’s a big brat.  He travels around with two fawing nonbinary types who are basically his sex slaves and whom he very casually threatens to kill with forks to the underside of jaws. He dies when he decides to throw an outlaw party orgy in one of the Ushers’ various secret decrepit properties, this one being used to store toxic waste. Dum dum decides he wants his dance party orgy to peak when he has water spray down from the ceiling. Ooo, cool party. Honestly this party. It’s like Nip/Tuck era Ryan Murphy. The other Mr. Harvey and I were cruel about this fool party.  I mean good on Mike Flanagan for showing penis but it’s like the corniest thing. It’s like a straight white male’s idea of a sex party is like cuz’ he’s never been to one. There’s a lot of feathers and masks. Oh dear. 

Speaking of masks, Verna shows up in a skull mask and she’s all sedctive in lingerie, Verna gets the best lines but the gist is that she’s all like Oh Perry, do you really want this party to go on it it could be bad, and he’s basically like can I crawl up you Verna because I’m 2 ft tall, and she’s like ok bye  so she goes after making sure she tells the wait staff to get the fuck out before things pop off. So then Perry and his NBs decide its time for the group big O and they hit the switch and everyone is promptly doused with acid. Hah. And everyone dies really horribly. Including Perry. So - one down. 

After Perry’s melt party, we have another Ryan Murphy-esque character (you can tell by the silver grey bob wig and wardrobe she’s sporting which is kind of fairly high level dominatrix unashamed of what she does so she’s letting uou know she’s one aby her outfit and she’s taking a business meeting.). And I was seriously debating not watching the rest of the series after that sex party but I did hang in there.  Anyway this is Camille, played by Mike Flanagan’s wife Kate Siegel. Camille is really really grouchy, has information on everybody, and she’s the spin master for Fortunato and completely without morals. She’s also queer, and basically a rapist, as she has two very young assistants, a very young man and a very young woman, whom she forces to have sex with her as a threesome every night. 

Anyway, Camille hates her older sister Victorine, who’s a heart surgeon, because Vitorine chose an occupation that makes her look like a  nice person, as opposed to Camille in a career where she’s hell in spiked  Loubtoins. So Camille gets wind that Victorine’s up to something shifty at her medical center/lab and she goes to get some pics. Verna is disguised as a security guard and warns her not to go into the ape pen where the apes hang out, apes who have been tortured by Victorine and are full of adrenaline. Have you seen Nope?  Clearly, Camille didn’t.

Verna the guard follows her in and Camille is an entitled sociopath so she’s like you’re fired and I’m like Camille you and your silver grey bob are dumb, Because Security Guard Verna shit-talks Camille and her famiily and then turns INTO an ape and claws Camille’s face off. 

Next up is hot stuff Napolean Usher, played by hot stuff Rahul Kohli. He played the nice cook in Bly Manor and the sheriff in Midnight Mass. Napoleon, who goes by Leo is a videogame designer, and drug addict,he’s entitled and obnoxious like the rest of these fools, and he’s queer and has a sad boyfrend named Juliaus who has a cat named Pluto. For now. Leo is a mess and a junkie and has a party in which he kills his bf’s cat. The cat was a much better and nobler creature than Leo, so this is sad. Leo goes to an animal shelter where he meets Verna int he guise of a lowly nerdy shelter worker. He ues his wealth and power to get Verna to give him an identical cat, which someone else had already purchased mind you, and he brings this cat home and pases it off as Pluto.

Pluto 2 promptly drives Leo crazy, he’s already guilty over what he did to Pluto 1 and he’s high AF, and he spends the rest of his episode tyring to kill Pluto 2, and instead Pluto 2 kills him by tricking him into falling off his high-rise balcony. Oh, and I should mention there’s a part in there where Julius is blowing Leo and Leo finds a dead bird Pluto 2 had left under his pillow and freaks and it’s implied that Leo nearly puts poor Julius’ eye out with his boner. This is a good PSA for those of us who give head. Consider protective goggles.

Next up is Dr. Victorine e, playing by T'Nia Miller. She played the housekeeper in the Bly Manor series and her storyline was sad and she was really good. Victorine (Poe had some names huh) is a heart surgeon working on this ultra-genius heart mesh that will basically heal everyone’s medical woes. She’s a stylish dyke, seriously her suits are rad, and she’s married to Dr. Ali. As the show goes on, you learn she’s been testing her heart mesh on apes and basically torturing them. They’re the ones who killed off sister Camille. Unfortunately for Nectatine, Victorine, her heart mesh has shit the bed, a saying I loathe but that my mom mrecently used on me? Ugh, she could feel my physical recoil over the phone I’m sure.

The heart mesh failure  complicates things because Roderick is dying and he’s relying on the mesothemimon lawyer commercial-sounding mesh to save him. No pressure there for Victoriane. So Verna shows up playing like a hillbilly with a heart ailment and Vitorine figures she can circumvent proper protocol for human trials and basically trick Verna into being a guinea pig and she’ll probably die as horribly as the apes do.  So that’s bad. 

What’s worse is that Dr. Ali, the wife, find outs what Victorine is up to. So Vitorine ends up accidentally killing her in this brutal scene where Dr. Ali is basically seizing and dying on the floor because Victorine has incredible aim and threw a heavy bookend at her which totally landed on her skull and instead of calling 911 and saving her,  Victorine doesn’t want her going to the cops, so she just watches her like seize on the ground and it’s gruesome, there’s mouth foam, this is a horror show after all, and when the security guard outside asks about the noise, she angrily tells him she’s giving Dr. Ali head and that’s what it sound like. Does it? Lesbians, tell us. Aynway, Victorine has gone crazy because she can’t cant stop the sound of the heart mesh she keeps hearing. And after Dr. Ali dies, she puts the heart mesh in her corpse as a delusional demonstration that it works. Roderick comes by to check on her and she offs herself in the neck right in front of him.  Four down!

Next up is Tamerlane, payed by Samantha Sloyan, who is another Mike Flanagan mainstay, Either Samantah is odious in rea life or she is a helluva an actor because she played an evil bitch and not the glamourous kind in Midnight Mass, and she plays an evil bitch here too. She’s this lifetsyle influencer who is about to launch her new brand and’s she mean, and controlling and neurotic and married to this pretty hot guy named Bill who is a fitness expert with his own brand which she pretty much paid for. He’s like a kept bohunk.

One of the plot threads that also gave me Ryan Murphy energy, Mike Flanagan, was Tameerlane’s kink being that she hires sex workers to dress up as her and fake come home from work and play like her and BillT are having dinner and he asks about her day and then they bang. While Tamerlane watches and masturbates. So - like imagine Gwyneth Paltrow being cucked, I believe is the word? 

So Tamerlane stops sleeping because the launch of her lifestyle brand has to be perfect, and she's' gone mad like the rest of these modern day Poe-esque characters. ,BillT and his compression shorts end up leaving her. And Verna, who showed up one night playing one of the hookers playing Tamerlane, starts haunting her, and at the launch, Tamerlane goes beserk and ruins the whole thing and also commits an unintentionally hilarious bit of brutal comedy when she thinks she’s hurling her mike stand into the crowd at ghostly Verna but no, she’s accidentally hitting Juno the stepmom and there’s a big sound and I laughed.  So Tammy’s life is ruined and she goes home and verna is in all the mirrors tauting her, and in some oddly beautiful filmmaking, she ends up accidentally killing her self when she smashes the mirror over her bed with a fireplace poker. Yes, its completely contrived but he films it and uses the CGI so beautifully. 

And then finally we come to the oldest Usher Frederick played by Elliot from ET, Henry Thomas, he’s the next in line for the fortune. Everyone in the family hates him, he’s nicknamed Frauderick. He’s kind of effete, with a ponytail, and anxious and kind of condescending, and he comes off as a little gay in this with some twtichy mannerisms that made me wonder if those were acting choices or if Elliot is now gay (not according to wikipedia) or has a medical issue. I hope not. The medical issue  I mean. 

He’s married to a former/actrress model named for a Poe character, Morella and they have a daughter, Roderick’s beloved grandaughter whos like pretty much the only good-hearted character in this whole piece, that’s Lenore. Morella is dissatisfied with her life, I mean her husband is kinda gay with a ponytail, I feel you boo. So Perry, the young psycho hedonist who ends up melting, he wants to get one over on Froderick, so he invites an intrigued Morella to his party of doom hinting he’s going to bang her and she’s all middleage doldrums an into it so she goes.. She’s the only survivor of the acid rain, but she’s basically, yikes, sans skin afterwards. So she spends the series wrapped in bandages and being tortured at home by Froderick who’s supposed to be seeing to her recovery but has banished any medical staff because he’s strung out on coke and convinced she fucked Perry before everyone became sludge dressed in Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie.. She didn’t but can’t tell him because she’s kinda without lips and stuff. He’s plastered her room with pictures of their wedding. And he keeps drugging her to the point of paralyzation, And then he takes her teeth out. With pliers. Yeah, I know. They don’t show it but ugh. 

Eventually he goes to tear down the building that Perry threw the party in and he’s a big dick about it to the demoltion crew and goes inside , and Verna shows up as a construction worker. She tells him she was going to let him die a peaceful death except - the pliers.  

And he collapses because his ponytail is connected to his brain and he accidentally mixed up his cocaine with the paralytic he’s been torturing his wife with. He’s paralyzed and Verna imitates his voice and gives the order for the demolition to collapse on the walkie talkie, and the building starts falling down in such a way that like a pipe and some sharp shrapnel form  a makeshift pendulum which begins to slice Froderick open and spill his innards. And then the rest of the building falls on him. That’s all of em’! Well, all of the children at least.

So Madeline and Roderick and granddaugher Lenore who saved her crispy mom Morella, and, lawyer Luke Skywalker, and Carl Lumbly the gay lawyer are the only ones surviving. Throughout the series, we've gotten that second timeline,  the story of Roderick and Madeline and how they came to be billionaire drug pushers. It turns out they were the illegitimate and unrecognized children of Fortunato’s then CEO. Their mom dies, but comes back from the dead to kill the CEO, and the kids end up in hellish foster care situations even though they’re really heirs to millions. If only DNA was a thing in the 60s. 

So then they’re 20 somethings and Roderick is married to a nice girl named Annabel and they have the babies Froderick and Tamerlane. Madeline is already ice queen genius and lives with them and basically seems to spend her time glaring at her twin brother’s wife and being condescending to her. So young Roderick brings Ligodone to Fortunato CEO Rufus Griswold, no relation to Clark, who is a liar, cheater, stealer, sexual harasser. Just a prick, he would have fit right in with Roderick’s subsequent spawn. Rufus steals the Ligodone from Roderick and passes it off as his idea. Roderick is furious but Rufus offers him a mid-level job which he takes. Madeline notes that means he’s pretty much failing and pathetic for giving in to Rufus. 

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And then young gay Carl Lumbly the lawyer rolls up and asks Roderick to blow his whistle and help him take down Fortunato for corrupt business practices. And it looks like they’re going to, except at the deposition, Roderick sells his soul and saved Fortunato. He’s now beloved in the company, Rufus is practically blowing him, gay lawyer hates him and Annable leaves him after noting how broken he and sis Maddy are. 

This however is only phase one of Rod and Maddy’s world-beating plan.So it’s New Year’s Eve and Fortunato has a big costume party. Madelne is all seductive with  Rufus who’s in a jester costume. This is strange behavior seeing as she’s an early computer genius who brought some ideas to Rufus and he basically told her to make him a sandwich after sitting on his face. Madeline is not the one, so she drugs him and her and Roderick wall him up down in the basement, which is another Poe allusion and must be a gruesome way to die. This is so Roderick can become CEO and Madeline can actually get a real job that doesn’t see her glaring at people. Although I think she’s just a glarer 

And then we get to the big mystery getting solved. Namely what the hell is Verna and why is everyone dying at the same time? Ok, so Madeline and Roderick go to a crappy bar near Fortunato to establish an alibi for Rufus’ disappearance.  Verna is the pleasant bartender.

CLOSING TIME. Verna sits the twins down, and remember I mentioned she’s ancient and the Ushers later find out she’s behind every rich evil person in history and we really don’t find out why. At first i thought oh she’s Satan but I don’t think she was. Anyway, she’s like Rod and Maddy, you’re going to be successes. I know what you did, I won’t tell but I want to make you an offer. And Verna tells them that they can have untold riches, that Fortunato can have so much money they will basically rule the planet, success beyond their wildest dreams, IF their entire bloodline, any children they may have, die at the same time they do. When they die, so do the Ushers. So sacrifice your children. And how do you think Roderick and Madeline voted? With a hearty fuck them kids, yes yes yes.

So, the Ushers start dying all at once. Verna is sad when she has to kill Lenore but she tells her about the future. A future where her mother recovers from her ordeal and starts opening shelters to save and support domestic abuse victims, and Lenore is the inspiration, so she ends up saving 1000s of people. And then a crying Verna kills Lenore, the only innocent in this whole story. Roderick and Madeline end up in the basement of their childhood and Madeline gives one helluva monologue where she rails against human beings for being disgusting sheep lemming consumers and refers to men as “cum fountains” and I believe it’s on YouTube. Mary McDonnell and her bumpit kill it. 

So, then we’re down to Roderick and Madeline. In the present day, the gay lawyer is like uh, where IS Madeline by the way. We learn she’s in the basement because Roderick poisoned her to death in what i guess he thought was a mercy kill, but also because even though their entire family is dead, they’e still trying to save their evil company and there’s something about board seats. Who knows, she’s in the basement and a nutty Roderick has done this Egyptian-looking stuff to her corpse, which includes replacing her eyes with rocks. That’s going to make it way morre difficult to locate Roderick so she can choke him which she does when she lumbers up out of the basement, scaring the beejezus out of the gay lawyer and taking Roderick down. And like the original Fall of the House of Usher by Poe, their dilapidated child home collapses and the Usher line is donezo.

Luke Skywalker goes down for all of the Ushers criminal business practices and It ends with Verna placing an item symbolizing each Usher’s death on their gra

So - what did I think? I ended up loving it. It was fun horor. The Sackles deserve mockery disdain and to be in jail so a show satirizing then KILLING them is fun and necessary. Acting was great, there were a couple of good jumpscares and it’s not every complimentary about humanity. I give it a solid A-/B+. You should watch it.

So that’s the first every Wicked Gay tv review thingy. What did you think? Love it, hate it, shut up bitch? Let me know by emailing me at wickedgaypod at gmail, or the social media platforms under wickedgaypod. If you want more Wicked Gay, there’s a patron with extra episodes and bonus content, patreon.com/Wicked gay. Thank you for joiing me this evening and giving something different from me a chance. Jesus this thing was probably worse than a Mike Flanagan monologue huh? Nite!